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  Last and Forever

  Rebecca Brooke

  Copyright © 2020 by Rebecca Brooke

  Cover Design by Sommer Stein of Perfect Pear Creative

  Editing by Emily Lawrence of Lawrence Editing

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used factitiously, and any resemblance to any actual person, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.

  All rights reserved.

  Created with Vellum

  To my Mom

  I love you so much

  Contents

  Last and Forever

  Prologue

  1. Aiden

  2. Aiden

  3. Aiden

  4. Aiden

  5. Lexi

  6. Aiden

  7. Aiden

  8. Aiden

  9. Lexi

  10. Aiden

  11. Lexi

  12. Aiden

  13. Aiden

  14. Aiden

  15. Lexi

  16. Aiden

  17. Lexi

  18. Aiden

  19. Lexi

  20. Lexi

  21. Aiden

  22. Lexi

  23. Lexi

  24. Aiden

  25. Lexi

  26. Aiden

  27. Lexi

  28. Aiden

  29. Lexi

  30. Aiden

  31. Lexi

  32. Aiden

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Also by Rebecca Brooke

  Last and Forever

  The Forever Duet

  Book 2

  If you haven’t read Part 1, please read

  First and Always

  before you begin

  Prologue

  Aiden

  There are moments in one’s life where time moves so fast you blink and it’s over. Moments you were so happy, you wanted them to last forever.

  Then there are moments when time slows down almost to the point that it stops, leaving you stuck in a state of misery you can’t escape. Moments that play on repeat in your head. These are the moments you wish time would speed up and you could remember what it felt like to be happy.

  1

  Aiden

  Gray clouds taunted me from above. The sky reflected my feelings perfectly.

  If someone would have asked me eight months ago, I would have told them I was a strong person. That I could handle anything, but if I’ve learned anything over the last few weeks, it’s that I’m not a strong person. Someone that was used to keeping his feelings to himself, not letting others in on my emotions, couldn’t hold back when my pain had been pushed over the brink. I couldn’t function. Decisions were too difficult. Thankfully, my parents had taken over in those first few weeks. They took care of the plans for Christine’s funeral. I’m not she would have gotten one otherwise. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to celebrate her life but I couldn’t find the strength to get out of bed except to take care of Chloe.

  I learned what the word strength truly meant and I knew that I didn’t have it.

  People who had strength held themselves tall no matter what life threw at them. They didn’t crumble under the weight on their shoulders. They made decisions and stayed the course no matter how difficult it was.

  I wasn’t one of those people. The weight of the world became too much and I let myself be buried beneath it. I sold my house and moved back home to Westlake, leaving Violet Obsession behind. It seemed better than facing a reality where Christine no longer existed. A reality where I could see her face or hear her voice. A reality where I’d been left alone to raise our daughter. A daughter that looked more and more like her mother every damn day.

  Day after day.

  Month after month.

  I watched her grow, trying to push the memories down. Pushing myself to exhaustion each day or drinking myself into oblivion. Whatever happened to work on that day to keep the dreams away.

  Even now, eight months later I could hear the music from the service playing through my head. And if somehow I managed to push the haunting melodies aside, visions of the day would play through my mind over and over again, making my chest tighten until I couldn’t draw in a breath and bringing me to my knees.

  This first few months had become about survival. If it had been just me, I’d have given up and let myself fade away. It sounded better than dealing with a pain in my chest that didn’t grow fainter with time. It radiated out through the rest of my body.

  Eventually, to get me out of the house, my mom convinced me to let her watch Chloe a few times a week so I could work in my dad’s office. She thought it would give me something else to focus on instead of sitting home alone, hoping that Christine would walk through the door again.

  It didn’t help.

  The monotonous day to day numbers were easy for me to master, but they left a hollow feeling in my chest. Like another part of me had disappeared with Christine.

  I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the guitar. I tried a few times, my hands shaking so badly I couldn’t even get the case open.

  There were a mountain of files on my desk. Reports to be filed. Totals to be run. Accounts to be opened. And I didn’t want to do a single one. I didn’t really want to do anything anymore. But there were only so many hours you could spend sleeping or drunk.

  Not that drunk really worked anymore. Chloe needed me now more than ever. The days of sleeping all day and night between feedings had come and gone. Now, she wanted to be awake most of the day and take a couple of naps instead. Which left me with something to focus on until nap time came. We’d play or I’d make lunch and dinner just to keep myself busy. Nap time its own special kind of hell. Nothing to keep my mind from parading memories before me.

  Which meant crunching numbers and filling out forms kept my mind from wandering to a day I’d rather forget. A day that now seemed to be permanently burned into my memory. Today, there was something about the sky that taunted me. Something that kept bringing those moments into clear focus.

  I grabbed the cord to the blinds, letting it slam shut on the windowsill. I wouldn’t let the memories take me. Not today. Not when I had the whole weekend of solitude looming over me. Another weekend to realize how alone I was. Another night to dream about Christine. Another time to wake up from the nightmares.

  Life wasn’t fair.

  Something I always heard, I pushed it to the back of my mind. Life was what you made of it. At least I told myself that. Not that it was true. Life was just a cruel bitch of a ride that we had to hold on to and hope we didn’t fall the hell off.

  I grabbed the first folder on the pile and flipped it open when there was a light knock at the door. It opened a crack and my dad stuck his head in.

  He had a habit of coming to check on me a few times a day since I started working for him. He knew I didn’t need help with the work. It had probably been my mom’s idea to make sure I wasn’t doing anything rash.

  Rash wasn’t even on my radar.

  Chloe only had me left and I wouldn’t take that away from her. If she couldn’t have her mother, she needed me.

  “Hey, Aiden, how’s it going?”

  “Pre
tty good.” I lifted the file I’d just opened on the top and showed it to him. “Just trying to get this account handled, making some updates to make their investments more profitable.”

  “Good, good. You always seem to make spot-on decisions.”

  For most employees and under most circumstances that should have been enough. Not for my dad. He wandered farther into the office, letting the office door shut behind him.

  It had most likely been the reason I’d been given the office when I was new to the payroll—a chance for my dad to check up on me without everyone knowing what we were talking about.

  Most of the other employees probably thought it had something to do with who I used to be. The person hidden below the gray button down shirt and stripped tie. The tattoos that wrapped around my forearms and biceps completely hidden from view.

  How wrong they were. Many of them had been hired long after I left Westlake for college. They didn’t know I refused anything people tried to give me that I hadn’t earned. Everything I had were things I’d gotten from my blood, sweat, and tears.

  Everything but this office.

  When my dad offered it to me, I was more than happy to accept it. Not cause I deserved. Because my sanity needed it. I didn’t want or need to deal with people’s sympathy. The pitying eyes or sad looks. Back here, behind the door, I could work with no one’s eyes on me. I arrived before everyone and left when the place emptied for the night.

  Dad wandered over to the chair in front of my desk and took a seat without being invited. Not that it surprised me. This had become a daily routine.

  I set the folder to the side, knowing I wouldn’t get anything done until Dad had completed his check-in. Leaning back in the chair, I laid my ankle across my knee and waited for what today’s questions or lecture might be.

  With both elbows on the chair, he steepled his fingers in front of him. “What do you have planned this weekend?”

  I should’ve guessed. This had become a very familiar Friday afternoon conversation. Last Friday had been different, and I thought he might have given up on trying to get me to spend some of the weekend with them.

  No way of getting out of the conversation, might as well get it over with.

  “Not much. Gonna get a few things done around the house.”

  We both knew that meant sitting around in sweats or a pair of basketball shorts and watching TV while taking care of Chloe. After she went to bed I’d likely finish a six pack or break open a bottle of tequila and hope for no nightmares.

  One thing about my dad, unlike my mom, he mentioned ideas, but never pushed. “I think you should bring Chloe over dinner tomorrow night. We can spend some time with you and Chloe. Talk about your music career.”

  Well, that was a first. Dad never did more than suggest dinner, which I would turn down. He’d usually say something about stopping by during the weekend to see her, which he only did every once in a while. Then we’d spend some time talking about the accounts I’d been working on.

  This time, I didn’t know what to say. We’d deviated from the normal conversation and I couldn’t imagine what he wanted to talk about when it came to Violet Obsession.

  I put my foot back on the floor and leaned forward onto the desk. “What about my music career? I had one and now I don’t. What is there to talk about?”

  He closed his eyes. “It’s been eight months. How long are you going to pretend you want to work here instead of being on stage?”

  “Pretend…pretend?” I shoved the folders I’d been going through across the desk. “I guess I’ve been pretending to deal with all these accounts.”

  Dad ran a hand over his face. “That’s not what I mean and you know it.” He gestured around the office. “You don’t want to work in finance, you want to play music to a sold out crowd.”

  He had a point and we both knew it. The number of fights we’d had over the years about me working for his company said enough. I’d never been one to hold back and talk about doing what you loved instead of doing it. Yet, there I was, sitting at a desk chair crunching numbers instead of playing music.

  Music I couldn’t play anymore.

  The fight fled me. “I know.” I dropped my head, my gaze focusing in on the dark mahogany of the desk. “I know I fought you at every turn about working here and I know I walked away from my career, but it needed to be that way.”

  “It doesn’t need to be that way.” He groaned. “Damn it. None of this needs to be this way. You have such an immense talent and a family who loves and supports you, yet you haven’t talked to your mother and me about anything since you and Chloe moved back here. I can’t imagine the toll losing Christine has taken on you, but you can’t throw the rest of your life away.”

  I shot up from my chair. “And how am I throwing the rest of my life away? I’ve got a roof over Chloe’s head, food on the table, and a job to make ends meet. I don’t get what else I’m supposed to do.” I threw my hands in the air, trying to keep a handle on my temper.

  “Yes, you have a house and food, but you’re not happy.”

  “And how the fuck am I supposed to be happy, Dad? My wife died. I buried her in the fucking ground and you want me to be happy.”

  He sighed. “You know that’s not what I mean. And don’t get me wrong, I love having you here. Working with you side by side. Being able to see my granddaughter grow. I can’t replace any of that, but seeing you come here every day looking like a zombie”—he shook his head—“it isn’t you.” He stood, stepping around the desk, and leaned back against it. “You’re meant to be on a stage, in front of thousands of people, playing music.”

  “Not anymore I’m not.” I sat back down in the chair and pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger.

  “You can’t just give up everything you worked so hard for.”

  I slammed my hand on the top of the desk and if I hadn’t been so fucking pissed about the conversation, I would have been impressed that my dad didn’t even flinch. “I can and I have.”

  “Bullshit.” I stopped and stared at my dad, who only cursed when his temper had reached a boiling point. “You moved here, trying to hide who you are. Look at you, wearing a shirt and tie, covering up your tattoos and piercings.”

  “You hate my tattoos and piercings,” I said, trying to change the subject, even though I knew it wouldn’t work.

  “I hate seeing you throw a successful career away more than a little ink and a few needles.”

  A lump formed in the back of my throat. “I know, but I can’t.”

  Dad leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs. “But why? You’ve told your mother and me that you can’t. But you won’t tell us why. We just want to help.”

  I shook my head, not wanting to admit anything, but the words slipped past my lips anyway.

  “I can’t even pick up my guitar.”

  2

  Aiden

  My throat was tight, sweat beading on the back of my neck. The room beginning to fade in at the edges. Just the thought of playing brought on the symptoms.

  A glass was shoved in my hand.

  “Drink.”

  It was pushed up to my lips, the cool liquid touched my lips and I opened my mouth, letting the water slide down my throat. I swallowed, focusing on the simple act. The room slowly came back into focus. My dad stood in front of me, worry lines creasing his brow as he held the cup in my hand.

  I closed my eyes and sucked in breath after breath, trying to get my heart rate to slow down.

  “Jesus. Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

  I hooked my finger in the knot of my tie, pulling it loose. “What did you want me to say?”

  Dad let go of the cup and ran a hand down his face. “I want you to talk to us. I want you to be honest. Hell, I don’t want this to happen again.”

  I leaned back in my chair again, my breathing once again steady. “I’m not sure you can stop it.”

  “Aiden, you know your mother and I love you. But we can’t he
lp you if you won’t let us. Losing Christine was absolutely devastating, but I can’t imagine she would want you to give up everything you love.”

  My chest tightened. He was right. Christine would hate what I’d done with my life, but I knew there was nothing I could do to change it. I couldn’t think about music, let alone actually pick up my guitar without the whole world closing in on me. Without my guitar I didn’t have a career.

  “No, she wouldn’t, but I doubt she also expected not to be here when she went to the hospital. I’m pretty sure she expected to bring her baby home and rock her to sleep every night.”

  Dad laid his hand on my shoulder. “No one expected that to happen. But Chloe needs her father, not the shell of a man he’s become. She needs the man you were meant to be, not the one hiding behind a suit and tie in an office. Mom and I will do whatever we can to help you make that happen again. But you have to want it to happen.”

  “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

  He sighed and stood from where he leaned against my desk. “I think you do, but only you can make that choice. Come have dinner this weekend. I promise, we won’t mention any of this, but you need to get out of the house.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  Dad made it to the door, then turned to look at me. “Remember, we’re all here for whatever you need, no matter what it is.”